So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
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