her vagine was all disorganized.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
