i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Sober January is a disaster.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
