Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
