She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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