Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
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