Just got roadhead while going 95. I came for a mile and a half.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize