Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
