WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Randomize
