That's intense
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
