I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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