Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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