I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
