If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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