i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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