How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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