God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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