just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
