I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize