yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
