dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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