dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Randomize
