Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
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