if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
