Can i not drive my cunt home
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
Randomize
