I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
