the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Between the puerto rican elf, the fat marine, the deaf guy and the ex coke head I've got a good preview if the men in this city...
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
