What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
