FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
