how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
