Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
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