my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
