i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I love having hate sex.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
