okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
