We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize