My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
I love you.
Bad choice
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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