I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
birth control should be required to get into college
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
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