i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
