oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
