there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
two words...techno handjob
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
Randomize
