i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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