I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
