how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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