ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
