You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
