At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
