theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
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