i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
