doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
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