and next time when you feel me up, do it right
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
Randomize
