yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
