my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
he laminated a picture of his dick.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
Success! We fucked roommates!
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Randomize
