Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
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