I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Randomize
