I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize