she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
