Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Randomize
