im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
