We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
