My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
I fill condoms, not promises.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Damn victory sex feels great
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
