I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize