Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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