big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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