Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
Randomize
