As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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