i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
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