I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Randomize
