My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
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