I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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