i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
