New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
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