can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
