i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
