even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
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