So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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