i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
