The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
