i just identified you from a description of your pipe
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
