32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize