Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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