I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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