thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
