Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
