I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
