you're like a bully in the Christmas story
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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