I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
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