I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
