Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
