the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
