so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
