is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Randomize
