Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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