If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
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