I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize