i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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